Didn't Pay For This Roller Coaster, But I'm Riding It Anyway

It’s Monday; fuck, I made it—(sorta) 

As Iran & surrounding countries burn, the world watches, and protest; ears of leaders go deaf.  It’s what was expected, for some of us in the U.S. We saw lies on top of falsehoods, wrapped in dishonest smiles & crossed fingers behind the back. We argue online, ‘this is what you voted for right,’ we poke sarcastically at opponents (opps as the kids would say) from across the bar, the back yard fence, the Sunday dinner table.

The indie author in me slightly sighs ‘fuck’ as I respond to review posts of my latest book, Lesson & Libations. Fuck, great timing for a war, great timing for a book tour that has Absolutely Nothing to do with politics, war, or this mess the “world” finds itself in.  I’m sure there’s a farmer worried about their dry ass crops, or a teacher with doubts about a class period reaching the finish line with a passing grade. And I know there’s a writer like me saying what the fuck, not my launch week, not my book release week, not my cover reveal week. There’s the selfish us, immersed in our own world, watching as the bigger world freakin blazes. Fuck you world leaders, just fuck you.

And there’s the conscious us, protesting with signs in the street since Saturday when the strikes began. There’s the concerned us that places posts about the school that was struck, the soldiers that died, and the carnage that sits on the chest of every human citizen in every country involved or neighboring. 

“We’re fucked, world war 3 is on the way”, many young and/or uninformed yell out in social media post, in middle school classrooms & university lecture halls. I’m sure there’s a therapist dosing themselves with Advil & vodka to get through their 5th anxiety session of the day. And in some corner there’s an inspired author writing furiously, a talented painter, painting with their entire chest, or a videographer editing a video with so much passion…but not to go viral, not to make any statement, but because it’s what they do. Life always continues.

Human me asks that you continue to enjoy life; protest the poppycock & cocksuckers who started this mess, but enjoy life. Continue to write, to paint, to participate & create the beauty that makes life beautiful. Make babies, make love with protection, (be safe if you choose) invite your neighbors over for meatloaf and enjoy the game. Yes the world burns, but you ain’t on fire yet.—However, if your family is currently burning from this unauthorized & unacceptable action, may your God or Gods be with you.

It’s Monday baby, you have every human right, to say

Fuck!

…and continue to human, better

(audio version below)

Return of the Doodle

The Doodle is back!! Yes indeed, I’m back to doodle poetry writing.  These doodles will be in no particular order, however I wanted to discuss the process a bit if I could.  

So about 8 months ago I got a part time job in the mental health field; no I’m not a therapist, but I’ve worked with people with different behaviors for a while now. In any case after finding a groove for the job, and figuring out the timing, I started writing #vss poems. For people unfamiliar with the hastag, it stands for Very Short Story, and usually is no more characters than a tweet.  I like to write them daily to keep my poetic skills sharp. 

So as I found myself with some “free time” at this part time job, I started to doodle around the poems. And I thought I haven’t done stuff like this since I was a para-professional years ago. And I kept going; heck ya’ll, I even bought some brown glitter markers lol! 

As I kept writing and doodling, my brain went into creative overdrive, I thought, what if I did a book of poetry with some concrete poems in them. I thought of Shel Silverstein and the books he’s written.  Yes, they’re children's books but they’re also really good reads. Then I thought about a former co-worker who talked about a book (which name I can’t remember) he read that had concrete poems for adults.

Why not?

Why not?

Why, not?

Therefore, my doodles may just end up in the next book I work on, and that book will definitely have a different feel to it.  I need to figure out some digital formatting issued, but at the end of the day I’m like ‘why not?’

Granted, I’m at the start of an online book tour, and writing some short stories, but hey, this idea is in the head.

I hope you enjoy the doodles and the poetry, yes, you may have to flip your phone, tablet, or laptop to really read them all, but hey, it’s life…let’s live it with fun! 

Tomorrow The Opinion Begins, The Audiobook Tour

 

It’s currently 10pm in Denver, and I’m nervously excited about my first book tour in a very long time.  This time last year I was writing Lessons & Libations. This year I’m doing my first audio book tour.  Boy, how times have changed. 

Back in 2015 I wrote and self published my first book and did an online book tour with Goddess of Fish. Now audio books are a big rave and I’m doing my book tour with Love Books Tour.  Back in the day, it was all book bloggers, today, it’s all social media, IG mostly.

With this being my first audio book, I am very curious to see what the response will be. Being the spoken word poet I am, I decided to be the narrator, with a bit of help in the voice department. This is a very curious time for the way people are consuming art. So many things are digital, and the art of reading actual words on the page is changing. Audio books are very popular. Producing an audio book is different, it’s kind of like recording an album, but there’s no music, at least with this effort there won’t be.

Tomorrow morning I’ll receive the first of many opinions of what readers/listeners think. The line up has been posted on my IG but I’ll list them here as well.

• 2/26 @MelisBookReviews

• 2/27 @bookishandcaffeinatedintx

• 2/27 @readingwithbeagles

• 2/28 @piggindani_reads

• 3/1 Tea Leaves & Book Leaves

• 3/1 @bookwormwhitloc86

• 3/2 @pause_theframe

• 3/3 @caits_reading_nook

• 3/3 @book_a_holic_17

• 3/4 @rachaelreads2025

I’m not familiar with the readers, which is also what makes this very exciting. I just know that I put a lot into writing these short stories, and a lot into recording them. Like them, love them, or hate them, some truth will be revealed in a few short hours. 

I believe Love Book Tours has done an admirable job promoting the tour and they’re a very easy company to work with. They’re based out of the UK so it’ll be interesting to see what readers they get and what reactions will be. 

Thanks for reading, and if you’re on IG follow me @authorclarencebarbee and check out reactions along with me.  Heck, I might even do some video reactions to the reviews

Until next time beautiful people who read! 

A Different Kind of Build

Stress is a real noun, and patience is as well.  Some might call them virtues, some might call them requirements for life.  I’ve experienced them both.

In my former life I practiced a lot of patience because I experienced a lot of stress. It was a constant rotation, and admittedly I didn’t always handle the stress in the most appropriate way.  I drank, sometimes I wrote, and even other times, I smoked a bit of the stickiest of the sticky.  In this current life, there is still stress, albeit much less. However I have found myself not practicing much patience. 

In order to practice more patience I began putting together metal models of insects with teeny tiny pieces. It became cathartic. The process wasn’t writing a poem, or short story, or even putting together a book. It wasn’t scrolling on social media, or posting ads that I had to create to promote my books. It wasn’t reading for pleasure or cooking or any other pleasurable activity I’d been engaging in for the last 40+ years. It was using my hands, my eyes, and of course my patience.

The first thing I built was a dragonfly.  I didn’t know what I was getting into. But piece by piece, and bit by bit, it took form. I toiled. The pieces were small, but I had tools.

The directions were easy to follow, the assembly not so much. 

I got frustrated at points, and took a break. Patience was working. The process was different, I took breaks; something I rarely did when I wrote books, or went through the publishing process.

I was re-learning, unlearning, and making new things.

And within several hours the dragonfly was born. 

As it was completed I felt a renewed sense. A renewed sense of what? I wasn’t sure then, and to a point, I’m not sure now. But the feeling of being renewed was there. So I bought another insect, this time it was a Gatling Bee. Not sure what a Gatling Bee is, but when I saw it on Amazon, I liked it. 

The process wasn’t as smooth. It was easier but difficult in a different way.  I recognized my excitement was real excitement. Kind of like a kid getting some legos and being too overstimulated to put it together correctly. I ended up rigging a portion of it; not super proud, but honest enough to say it. (I ended up naming the bee "The Whore's Vagina"...because it's kinda loose)

I was learning more about how to put things together, re-learning some patience, and also understanding that everything isn’t perfect. Life isn’t perfect. But that’s ok. I’d found something to revel in other than writing. 

I ended up buying and building three more insects, two spiders and a scorpion. But this time I was more strategic about them. It was the holiday season, and I needed something to do to occupy my mind. Let’s just say holidays are not my jam, and I didn’t want to spiral out of control during that time. 

The two spiders were easy to assemble. I had a rhythm and flow to building these models.

However the scorpion was different. The materials were metal, but sharper, thicker, slightly bigger, and not so intricate.

It was needed. It wasn’t easy, but it was the challenge I required to get past the holiday season.

Model building is great. It’s a good getaway from passions one has, and the responsibilities one is responsible for. For me, it re-taught me a different kind of patience. It gave me a break from my passion and that passion flame is beginning to rebuild itself. My biggest takeaway is to learn something that gives you a break from your passions and responsibilities. 

I will always be a writer. Financially successful author???...eh..?? But a balanced human is something I think we all strive to be. Will metal model building be the answer for all of us, doubtful. 

However I hope you find something that reignites your soul when your passions give you more gray hairs than you can handle.

Until the next time.

Cold, Vices, Family and Writing Files

I’m in Lorain, OH because my last and oldest aunt has passed. Aunt Dot. A smile creeps along my face as I just type her name. The last of my dad’s sisters, the last sibling. There were 10 of them. 5 boys, and 5 girls; for every girl there was a boy, and for every boy there was a girl.  This is history, this is family, this I had to do.

To take my mind off of that, but not off of that, I started looking at my vast #vss365 file. It’s now 165 pages, dating back to 2020.  2025 is 63 pages by itself. Note: the #vss365 file is a file of poems, and short stories. ie vss Very Short Story

I really want to publish these pieces.  There are multiple reasons.

Last year, I was kicked off of Twitter, and that’s where many of these poems were housed other than this file I’ve kept between my phone, laptop, and G-drive. 

I really want to publish another anthology of poems. I’m a poet dammit, what can I say?

Shouldn’t I be looking for indie publishers and agents? ::sigh:: and yes. Shouldn’t I be buying author copies of the books I do have for in person events? ::sigh, again:: and yes.

However I’m not. I’m in my hotel room, and just now realized I’m like on Lake Erie and I want to get frozen water pictures like I did in Chicago on the pier.  

Writer stuff. Family stuff. Avoidance at its peak. It’s also 22 degrees outside, and smoking a cigarette is a vice, but that cold is a key.

The poems are good though. I want to catalog them and box them in to make sections for a book like I did with Fire Molten and Ash, but not like that. But at least put them in an order that makes sense for this moment. 

This is 2026, the beginning of a new year; still that same writer. Procrastination to a point, avoidance to a certain extreme, but still writing, still improving. And I’m off topic, way off topic. I did start writing another poem on the plane out here.

Back to the topic. Staying focused is difficult. I have at least three manuscripts that I’m working on for the year.  Ambitious? Sure, let's go with that.  But somehow, someway, another anthology of poetry is coming out.

Like I said, I’m a poet dammit.

That’s it for now.  Thanks for reading, thanks for sticking with me.  

Hey, if you want to help fuel the next anthology, or put in for the cigarette fund, pop over to payhip.com/StoriesAndSound and buy a book, or get some music.

Thanks ya’ll-~~deuces

ps…Happy ‘26