Some Honesty for May's End

Fatherhood is hard.  I don't know if it's more difficult having a "mixed" or bi-racial child and family.  I am, have always been, and will always be deeply in love with my culture.  It is a source of great strength for me.  I have written about it often, as it has been the source of much of my inspiration.

At times throughout the first year of my first born's life, I've struggled at times on what to tell her, and what she needs to find out for herself.  I want her to see her humanity, and not have it stripped from her in dealing with america, or schools, or religion, or friends, or family member of friends, or even her own family members. 

I want for her to grow strong; not just physically, but mentally and spiritually.  So I penned this piece in hopes of that.  More than likely it will be the first of many.  It may not be my best work as a writer, or a father, but it is honest for the moment.

Some Honesty for May's End

For biracial babies
born 50 plus
years past the
turn of hands,
and cheeks, and first, and
post racial, but racism still
existing.
I will tell her,
Love Yourself, first & foremost.
And that,
it is good to love your neighbors,
but not always realistic.

I will instill Pride,
of Nations
with Red, Black, & Green
filling the flag.
Will break down;
Red is for the blood that was shed,
and
Black for her people,
and
Green is for the land, the motherland
Africa.

Be curious about everything,
some folks will lie, and others are ignorant,
so be mindful, stay curious, and
find the meaning for yourself...

Don’t forget to
Love yourself,
I will remind her--

Intelligence is a gift,
you should access it often.

There is also room for
laughter.
A lot of room, for a whole lot
of laughter.  And if
the room becomes small,
start knocking down walls and fill the space
with smiles and belly laughs, and tears streaming
and cheeks hurting, and deep breaths
kind of laughs

Don't forget to
Love yourself
I will remind her--

You are a lady, and
1/2 black,
but this does not mean
you will not give full effort,
or be lazy, or
blame the system.
You can build new systems,
if the ones you find,
don't work for you,
or hire you,
or have discriminatory practices.

Don't ever let anyone disrespect you

You will be trained,
so if it becomes physical, you will be
prepared.

She will know,
that Dad will always be here,
as she knows now that,
Daddy loves her, Daddy loves her, Daddy loves her.
And that Dad will stand by her side,
and her Mother's side,
and we will all stand side by side,
as a Family should.

These are just a few lessons,
I will teach, alongside her mother.

For biracial babies
born 50 plus years
past the
turn of hands,
and cheeks, and first, and
post racial, but--

Remembering to love themselves,
and honer themselves,
for they are the future,
and what a Mighty One it
Will Be!

grat·i·tude ˈɡradəˌt(y)o͞od

grat·i·tude

ˈɡradəˌt(y)o͞od/

noun: gratitude

the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness.

"she expressed her gratitude to the committee for their support"

synonyms:

gratefulness, thankfulness, thanks, appreciation;

It's the stuff that a good world is made it.  It's the light at the end of the tunnel, it is the hug at the end of the run.  It is the bonus at Christmas, or the last day of school.There were several times in the last few weeks I thought I just wasn't going to make it.  (So in honor of making it, I'm doing a post on gratitude.) 

Because I was in peril but also a spiritual person, I was able to call on some ancestors to guide my path.  When I was sick, they guided my path right to bed, making me do the unthinkable--miss work. 

Now for me, I hate to miss work, it bugs me--maybe even more than being sick.  However, I felt the loss of energy, the watering of the eyes, the heaviness of the chest, the soreness of the throat, and of course the head-ache that can't be alleviated--I knew I was sick.

It was a Thursday, and I went to work hacking and coughing, looking like a run-over dog.  I arrived to work late, and when my boss looked at me, she was like, you should go home.  But there was no way in hell I was about to go home after running behind all day, and fighting through 73 minutes of traffic to get to work.  I stayed.  However, my boss and I decided that it would be best if I just called in to work, tomorrow if I was feeling the same.

I did, and it was good.  My lady kept the baby quiet and I took some cough medicine, a hot totti, and some codeine, then passed out.  It was amazing, the rest, the sleep, the ability to not do anything, but focus on wellness and getting well.  It was great for me. I was so thankful.  The next day I went to both jobs, and as some of you know I work in the mental health field.  What's dope

about the mental health field is that they really get the concept of gratitude.  They are happy when a person shows up to work, and sad when they don't.  I say this to set up this picture. A co-worker gave me some cough drops on the Saturday I returned to work and on the wrappers were positive saying--how freakin' dope is that!!  So as you can see, it has sayings like "Get back in the game", "Go get it", and "Don't wait to get started."  This was the best cough drop I'd ever had.  The drop help me physically and the affirmations helped me mentally.  The thing about being sick, is that it's a dual thing, your body is drained, but so is your spirit.  You don't want to do anything; your mind says you can't and your body confirms it. So to be able to read the message on the wrapper, during work, working with psychiatric patients, was big for me.  

I felt appreciative, I felt relieved, it was the power of gratitude.  Not many people know this about me, but the last thing I do on my drive home is actively talk to my higher power and "Give Thanks."  I Give Thanks for the good, the bad, and the ugly--I have to.  It was those things that made my day.  And to date, the bad and the ugly haven't killed me, so I Give Thanks.  

In support of all the good that has come to me over these last several weeks, I am grateful. I am thankful, and indebted.  Good things come, just wait on them, be patient.  But while you are waiting, don't forget to work your tail off.

Today: Be grateful for something, then name it, call it out, and thank something/someone greater than yourself.