A Different Kind of Build

Stress is a real noun, and patience is as well.  Some might call them virtues, some might call them requirements for life.  I’ve experienced them both.

In my former life I practiced a lot of patience because I experienced a lot of stress. It was a constant rotation, and admittedly I didn’t always handle the stress in the most appropriate way.  I drank, sometimes I wrote, and even other times, I smoked a bit of the stickiest of the sticky.  In this current life, there is still stress, albeit much less. However I have found myself not practicing much patience. 

In order to practice more patience I began putting together metal models of insects with teeny tiny pieces. It became cathartic. The process wasn’t writing a poem, or short story, or even putting together a book. It wasn’t scrolling on social media, or posting ads that I had to create to promote my books. It wasn’t reading for pleasure or cooking or any other pleasurable activity I’d been engaging in for the last 40+ years. It was using my hands, my eyes, and of course my patience.

The first thing I built was a dragonfly.  I didn’t know what I was getting into. But piece by piece, and bit by bit, it took form. I toiled. The pieces were small, but I had tools.

The directions were easy to follow, the assembly not so much. 

I got frustrated at points, and took a break. Patience was working. The process was different, I took breaks; something I rarely did when I wrote books, or went through the publishing process.

I was re-learning, unlearning, and making new things.

And within several hours the dragonfly was born. 

As it was completed I felt a renewed sense. A renewed sense of what? I wasn’t sure then, and to a point, I’m not sure now. But the feeling of being renewed was there. So I bought another insect, this time it was a Gatling Bee. Not sure what a Gatling Bee is, but when I saw it on Amazon, I liked it. 

The process wasn’t as smooth. It was easier but difficult in a different way.  I recognized my excitement was real excitement. Kind of like a kid getting some legos and being too overstimulated to put it together correctly. I ended up rigging a portion of it; not super proud, but honest enough to say it. (I ended up naming the bee "The Whore's Vagina"...because it's kinda loose)

I was learning more about how to put things together, re-learning some patience, and also understanding that everything isn’t perfect. Life isn’t perfect. But that’s ok. I’d found something to revel in other than writing. 

I ended up buying and building three more insects, two spiders and a scorpion. But this time I was more strategic about them. It was the holiday season, and I needed something to do to occupy my mind. Let’s just say holidays are not my jam, and I didn’t want to spiral out of control during that time. 

The two spiders were easy to assemble. I had a rhythm and flow to building these models.

However the scorpion was different. The materials were metal, but sharper, thicker, slightly bigger, and not so intricate.

It was needed. It wasn’t easy, but it was the challenge I required to get past the holiday season.

Model building is great. It’s a good getaway from passions one has, and the responsibilities one is responsible for. For me, it re-taught me a different kind of patience. It gave me a break from my passion and that passion flame is beginning to rebuild itself. My biggest takeaway is to learn something that gives you a break from your passions and responsibilities. 

I will always be a writer. Financially successful author???...eh..?? But a balanced human is something I think we all strive to be. Will metal model building be the answer for all of us, doubtful. 

However I hope you find something that reignites your soul when your passions give you more gray hairs than you can handle.

Until the next time.

Cold, Vices, Family and Writing Files

I’m in Lorain, OH because my last and oldest aunt has passed. Aunt Dot. A smile creeps along my face as I just type her name. The last of my dad’s sisters, the last sibling. There were 10 of them. 5 boys, and 5 girls; for every girl there was a boy, and for every boy there was a girl.  This is history, this is family, this I had to do.

To take my mind off of that, but not off of that, I started looking at my vast #vss365 file. It’s now 165 pages, dating back to 2020.  2025 is 63 pages by itself. Note: the #vss365 file is a file of poems, and short stories. ie vss Very Short Story

I really want to publish these pieces.  There are multiple reasons.

Last year, I was kicked off of Twitter, and that’s where many of these poems were housed other than this file I’ve kept between my phone, laptop, and G-drive. 

I really want to publish another anthology of poems. I’m a poet dammit, what can I say?

Shouldn’t I be looking for indie publishers and agents? ::sigh:: and yes. Shouldn’t I be buying author copies of the books I do have for in person events? ::sigh, again:: and yes.

However I’m not. I’m in my hotel room, and just now realized I’m like on Lake Erie and I want to get frozen water pictures like I did in Chicago on the pier.  

Writer stuff. Family stuff. Avoidance at its peak. It’s also 22 degrees outside, and smoking a cigarette is a vice, but that cold is a key.

The poems are good though. I want to catalog them and box them in to make sections for a book like I did with Fire Molten and Ash, but not like that. But at least put them in an order that makes sense for this moment. 

This is 2026, the beginning of a new year; still that same writer. Procrastination to a point, avoidance to a certain extreme, but still writing, still improving. And I’m off topic, way off topic. I did start writing another poem on the plane out here.

Back to the topic. Staying focused is difficult. I have at least three manuscripts that I’m working on for the year.  Ambitious? Sure, let's go with that.  But somehow, someway, another anthology of poetry is coming out.

Like I said, I’m a poet dammit.

That’s it for now.  Thanks for reading, thanks for sticking with me.  

Hey, if you want to help fuel the next anthology, or put in for the cigarette fund, pop over to payhip.com/StoriesAndSound and buy a book, or get some music.

Thanks ya’ll-~~deuces

ps…Happy ‘26